CCC Livestream - The Gospel Shaped Family - 1 Peter 3:1-7
Live Worship Gathering: 8.23.2026
Preaching: Jason Purdy
I invite you to turn with me to 1 Peter.
Today, we will look at 1 Peter 3:1-7.
We have two final weeks in our sermon series: The Gospel Shaped Family.
Where we have walked through some key passages on marriage, on singleness, on parenting, and on children, as well as some passages addressing key issues that we all deal with in family life - both in our biological families and in our church family.
My prayer is that God would continue to make us and shape us by His grace and through His gospel into a godly church family that is made up of godly gospel shaped families.
Today, I am going to preach once again a passage about marriage, then next week, as we complete this series, we will look at Titus 2 and think about different roles we have in our spiritual family - the church.
Now, for those of you who are not married, or just wish you didn’t have to sit through a message about marriage for the next forty minutes, let me encourage you that setting your mind on marriage is actually setting your mind on God.
Because all the way back in Genesis 1, God creates all things, and he creates mankind as the pinnacle of his creation, and God establishes a relationship between God and man and he makes a woman to establish a relationship between man and woman.
So, from the very beginning, the reason God created us is to experience a loving relationship to God and a loving relationship to others.
And God designed marriage to display his covenant love relationship to us and help us understand his love for us whether we are married or not.
Paul picks up this idea in the New Testament when he says that when a man leaves his father and mother and becomes one flesh with his wife, this is a profound mystery that displays the relationship between Jesus and the church.
So, if you have any desire to understand who you are, who God is, why you were created, and what your purpose in this world is, you will want to understand this passage on marriage we are walking through this morning.
The book of 1 Peter is a letter written to be taken to many people in a group known as the dispersion or the diaspora.
This was during the time of much Roman colonization, so these were small New Testament churches living in ancient countries that now make up modern Turkey today.
And Peter’s central theme of his letter is how the gospel of Jesus Christ transforms us into a people who conduct ourselves with proper respect, honor, and peace even in the midst of difficult circumstances such as facing persecution and being treated like a social outcast.
Much of the letter speaks to how the gospel transforms us to behave in relation with non-believers.
Consider:
1 Peter 2:12 ESV
12 Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.
This day of visitation is the day we still look forward to when Jesus will return and punish all rebels who never obeyed God’s gospel and reward all those who obeyed the gospel by believing in faith.
Given that we look forward to that day, Peter writes in
1 Peter 1:13 ESV
13 Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.
How do I conduct myself in a respectful, honorable, and peaceful way even in the midst of pressure, persecution, and being socially ostracized?
I set my hope fully on the grace of God that will be revealed on the day of the revelation of Jesus Christ.
In the midst of conducting ourselves with dignity, respect, honor, and peace in this world, we will suffer for righteousness’ sake.
So, where do we find the transforming grace to live in this kind of way?
We find it in the gospel of Jesus Christ, laid out this way at the beginning of Peter’s letter:
1 Peter 1:3–5 ESV
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
Our hearts being born again to a living hope through faith in the resurrection of Jesus gives us hope to be like Jesus in the present and look forward to seeing Jesus face to face in the future.
So, after Peter establishes our hope in the gospel as the only thing having the transforming power to cause us to live respectful, honorable, and peaceful lives in this present age,
He then speaks specifically to people in differ realms of relationships where they must conduct themselves in this gospel way.
He starts by addressing the believers’ relationship with human institutions.
We are to be subject to every human institution.
1 Peter 2:17 ESV
17 Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
Servants are then to be subject to their masters with all respect.
He then speaks to the relationship between wives and their husbands.
But notice in 1 Peter 2:21-25, Peter grounds the reasoning for why we should conduct ourselves in these ways in the way Jesus conducted himself when he was treated unjustly.
1 Peter 2:21–25 ESV
21 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. 24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. 25 For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.
In light of Jesus’ example, please follow along as I read our text for today:
1 Peter 3:1–7 ESV
1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
1. Wives, Be Respectful And Pure In Your Conduct Toward Your Husband
Peter’s instructions begin with the words likewise, to compare how the wife is to conduct herself with the way that Jesus conducted himself.
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,
Notice, Peter is specifically addressing the case of a Christian, believing woman who is married to a non-Christian, non-believing husband.
But, Peter uses the words “even if some don’t obey the word” to leave the door open for this is the way all Christian wives should relate with their husbands.
Be subject to your own husbands.
We as Christ Covenant Church are what theologians call complementarian.
That means that we affirm that the Bible teaches that God has created men and women with equal dignity, value, love, worth, and purpose.
We also affirm that God has given different roles to men and women within two distinct realms, and those realms are the church and the home.
Notice, wives, be subject to your own husbands, not all women be subject to all men.
Not all wives, be subject to all husbands.
Wives, be subject to your own husbands.
Be respectful, honorable, and peaceful toward your husbands.
Follow his leadership.
Notice, for believing, Christian wives with unbelieving, non-Christian husbands, the greatest evangelistic tool you have toward your husband is your respectful and pure conduct toward him.
Peter says by your respectful and pure conduct, some non-Christian husbands will be won over to Christ without the wife speaking a word of the gospel to him.
Now, that does not mean that God will never give a Christian wife an opportunity to share the gospel with her unbelieving husband, but the way Peter says to do it is to win him over by your respectful and pure conduct, and then when the husband finally asks, you, Christian wife, will be ready to give a defense for the hope that is in you by sharing the gospel with him.
But, a Christian wife who will do nothing else but speak the gospel to her unbelieving husband will end up being like the nagging wife of Proverbs who is like the constant dripping of water whom the husband is annoyed by and will not listen to.
Now, if the people of the Greco-Roman world in the time of the writing of the New Testament heard the arguments being leveled today about the Bible demeaning women and treating women as substandard because of the way Paul and Peter wrote about women, they would be shocked!
It is very obvious that wherever the gospel has advanced in the world, the lives, respect, and honor of women increase.
Also, these types of passages about wives and husbands that are written by the philosophers of the day and other religions of the day only ever addressed the men.
Men, make your wife subject to you.
They were only written to men, because it was believed that women should not be educated or addressed directly in a formal way.
Only in the New Testament, do the writers expect women to be educated, women to be honored by being spoken to directly, and women to be called to be submit to their husbands as to the Lord, while never commanding the husband to make the wife submit.
No, the husbands job is the love his wife by giving his life for her like Christ did for the church and live with her in an understanding way, which no other text of the time commanded husbands.
So, what is respectful and pure conduct?
Only speaking words that are good, helpful, and life giving to your spouse and about your spouse to others.
Not always nagging or complaining.
Being focused on seeing the good qualities and calling them out in your husband instead of focusing more on the bad and the things you want to see him change.
Serving him and helping him succeed in his pursuits.
Verse 3: Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
I want you to consider another way women are being honored in this passage.
It is clear in many texts of philosophers and other religions of the Greco-Roman world that it was strictly prohibited for women to convert to another religion from her husband or to have friends that were outside of the network of her husbands’ friends.
But here, Peter usurps both those cultural rules by affirming Christian believing wives who have non-believing husbands.
He has already affirmed that all believers are now in Christ and set apart as part of Christ’s family, so Peter expected these women to be a part of Christ’s church even though it was outside of their husband’s religion and to be part of the believing community though it was outside of her husband’s community.
But, one way these women could honor and respect their husbands when they went to the church gathering was not to dress in a way that would garner attention from other men in the congregation.
Now, Peter is not making a blanket command that women cannot braid their hair or wear gold jewelry. If he were, we would have to lump in a command to not wear clothes since that is added to the list.
That is obviously not the point.
The point is: a woman’s focus and priority must be the inner person of the heart, not an inordinate concern with her own outward appearance.
Like Samuel wrote: Man looks at the outward appearance, the Lord looks upon the heart.
Respect your husband from your heart by not dressing in a way to be noticed by other men.
Another reason women would have been tempted to do their hair and wear gold jewelry would be to show off their status and set themselves apart from others who couldn’t afford it.
Don’t use physical appearance to try to set yourself apart from others and seek to show partiality in that way.
Instead of being overly focused on those things, adorn yourself with the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
It takes a gentle and quiet spirit to honor and respect others instead of desiring the attention for yourself.
A gentle and quiet spirit is a spirit that fears God more than man.
Take note that while a gentle and quiet spirit is encouraged for wives in this passage, all believers in Christ are called to have a spirit of gentleness.
We are all called to live a quiet life that is dignified in every way.
Jesus himself is described as being gentle and lowly in heart.
Peter is not contrasting a gentle and quiet spirit that wives are supposed to have with some kind of loud and brash spirit that husbands are supposed to have. Not at all.
A gentle and quiet spirit flows from a heart that fears God and lives to honor Him from the heart.
One who is not gaining attention or praise for self, but is loving their spouse and others seeking to point all praise to God.
Peter now gives us an example of this kind of wife by pointing us back to Sarah, the wife of Abraham:
Verse 5: For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.
And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Let me encourage you: Abraham and Sarah’s marriage was far from perfect.
Abraham made Sarah lie and be taken by foreign rulers two different times.
Fool me once, but fool me twice?
Sarah made Abraham sleep with one of their servants.
So, this was not a perfect marriage.
There is no perfect marriage, except for the final state of Christ and His forgiven and glorified church.
But, by God’s grace, there are commendable traits in Abraham and Sarah’s marriage.
Sarah adorned herself with a gentle and quiet spirit by submitting to her husband.
Just imagine what it must have been like for Sarah and Abraham came to her and said, “I need you to follow me away from the one place you have always known and the one people you have always known and go with me to a foreign land, because this is what God has commanded me.”
Sarah submitted and obeyed.
The verse says she submitted and obeyed, calling him lord.
Now, notice, that is lower case “l” lord.
Now, in our context, it would not have the same effect if you wives walked around calling your husbands lord.
But, this phrase should cause you to pause and ask yourself: what do you call your husband?
What do you call him in your mind and your heart?
How do you speak to him? How do you speak of him with others?
Do your closest friends notice that you refuse to speak poorly about your spouse?
Does your husband feel built up, honored, respected, and motivated to step up and be the type of man that you say that he is?
I can tell you from experience ladies, a man is motivated to step up when his wife speaks words of life, honor, and respect to him and about him to others.
Back to verse 6: You are Sarah’s children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
In other New Testament Scriptures, being a true child of Abraham means that you are saved by grace through faith the way Abraham was.
Here, being Sarah’s child means the same thing, that you are saved by grace through faith the way Sarah was.
And because you are saved, you have the grace of God to empower you to obey Him, to submit to your husband, to speak well of him, and to do good toward him, not because your husband always deserves it, but because Jesus always deserves it.
And your conducting yourself in this way adorns the gospel of the Lord Jesus and shows it to be beautiful.
Why was Sarah able to conduct herself in this way? Because she was a holy woman who hoped in God.
It is your faith and trust in God that empowers you to live in a godly way even when you fear doing so.
Did you see the end of verse 6?
A woman who hopes in God can respect her husband and not fear anything that is frightening.
The first thing that shows us is that God and Peter understand that submitting to your husband, respecting your husband, and following his lead is sometimes a scary place to be.
As the person who knows him best, you know his weaknesses and his shortcomings.
Have you ever felt fearful to complement your husband in one area because you are scared he will think: well, I’m doing great and have nothing else to work on!
Listen, those kinds of fears are real, but don’t let his imperfections keep you from building him up, because the Holy Spirit will continue to work on him.
It would have been frightening to follow Abraham to a brand new place, but Sarah did it not first because she trusted Abraham, but she trusted in God.
Wives, be respectful and pure in your conduct toward your husband.
Church, be respectful and pure in your conduct toward your God and toward others.
2. Husbands, Be Understanding And Honorable In Your Conduct Toward Your Wife
Verse 7: Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Right off the bat, you might say: why do wives get six verses of instruction and husbands only get one?
Well, remember, what Peter is doing in the passage is applying the example of Christ to people in the subordinate role:
The people to the emperor - the servant to his master - and the wife to her husband.
So, what should stick out to us is not that Peter gives more instructions to the wives, but that Peter chooses to address the husbands at all.
When we went through the Ephesians 5 passage on marriage earlier this summer, I pointed out that in the ancient texts written at the same time as the Bible, all those texts command the husband to cause his wife to submit.
Only the Bible, addresses the wife directly and never tells the husband to make her, and none of the other ancient texts then command the husband to be loving and understanding toward the wife.
In every passage dealing with marriage and authority, God provides the wise checks and balances as we all find ourselves under the ultimate authority of God alone.
So, likewise, husbands, meaning just like wives are commanded to be respectful and pure toward their husbands, husbands are to live with your wives in an understanding way.
The original language reads, “Live with your wife according to knowledge.”
What does it mean to live with your wife in an understanding way and according to knowledge?
It means you show honor to your wife as the weaker vessel.
What does it mean that the wife is the weaker vessel?
I’ve seen my wife birth four children.
I’ve seen my wife serve me, serve her kids, serve God’s church, work on a project for hours without taking a break.
Her memory is sharp, her competencies are many.
So, though those things are all true, what does it mean that we should be understanding with our wives as the weaker vessel.
I think there are two things to consider here.
Firstly, by nature of observing God’s design in creation, husbands are typically physically bigger and stronger than their wives.
Imagine Robin wakes me up in the middle of the night and says, “Jason, it sounds like someone is breaking in the front door.”
It’s never appropriate for me to respond, “It’s your turn to go check it out. I did it last time.”
No, I’m 250 pounds, she’s a lot lot less than that.
That also means that it would be the height of embarrassment, dishonor, and sin against God for a husband to ever use his physical strength in order to scare, intimidate, or hurt his wife.
So, men live in an understanding way of knowledge with your wife by using your strength to protect her, and be the one to go the extra mile, exhaust yourself in love of your God, your wife, your children, and your church, and you will have no energy to be wayward in sin.
Secondly, and maybe even more in line with the context, living in an understanding way of knowledge with your wife as the weaker vessel means that you recognize and acknowledge that your wife, by means of marrying you, has chosen to subject herself to the weaker position in the relationship.
You understand that it is difficult and sometimes scary to follow your lead.
It’s difficult and sometimes scary to take the role of the helpmate and the follower.
Just consider that it is the church that takes the weaker position under our head who is Christ, yet Christ does not lord and domineer his authority over us, but He uses his authority to serve us, help us, and leads us to flourish under his good and loving authority.
Living with your wife according to knowledge and understanding means you are always a student of your wife.
You know her strengths and weaknesses. You learn what encourages and motivates her. You learn how she expresses and receives love.
And here is a super helpful principle in marriage: you can be understanding even if you don’t understand.
Maybe you don’t understand why she cares about a certain thing so much or why a certain things bothers her, you can respond with understanding even if you don’t understand.
Do you think Jesus ever thinks what we are struggling with is silly or simple? But He still encourages, helps, and walks alongside us.
What about your speech husbands?
Are you committed to encourage your wife, point out the good things she is doing, thanking her for her help, and speaking well of her to others?
The verse says we should live in an understanding way with our wives, and show them honor as the weaker vessel because they are heirs with you of the grace of life.
Every spiritual gospel blessing you as a husband have received through your salvation in Christ and your adoption into His family belongs to her as well if she is in Christ.
This is what Paul means when he writes in:
Galatians 3:28 ESV
28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
That doesn’t mean that none of them have different roles in relationships, but it does mean that they all matter just as much to God.
And God shows no partiality based on race, social status, or gender.
His love and care for you and his love and care for your wife are equal.
So, husbands, be understanding, live with your wife according to knowledge, be honorable in your conduct toward your wife.
Make it a joy for her to help you and submit to your leadership.
Do this, the end of the verse says, so that you prayers may not be hindered.
Here, God makes a strong connection between your relationship with your wife and your relationship with him.
If you are not loving and honoring your wife the way you are called to, do not expect God to hear your prayers and bless you.
Consider a passage in Malachi that teaches the same idea:
Malachi 2:13–14 ESV
13 And this second thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. 14 But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
God does not honor your prayers and your worship toward him if all the while you are mistreating your wife with whom you are in covenant relationship.
There is a correlation between our covenant relationship with God and our covenant relationship to our spouse.
But, may we always remember that God does not save us by being good wives and good husbands.
God does not save us because we stick it out in our marriage or because we never get divorced.
God saves us in spite of any of those things.
While we were still sinners, God, in his great love and mercy, sent His son Jesus to save us.
And Jesus feared his Father God while living a life of honor and respect toward God and others.
And Jesus submitted himself to his Father, as well as every other human institution, and he lived a quiet life of trust in God, even to the point of death on a cross.
And on the cross, Jesus took the place of the weaker vessel as the strength of sin and death cast their greatest blow on him.
And Jesus died and then rose again defeating our sin and death so that we can be heirs with Christ in the grace of life.
And because Jesus took defeated our sin, we are given unhindered access to God to live in a loving, understanding, and honorable covenant relationship, and we are empowered to live that way toward our spouse and others.
The real question becomes, do you personally know the Lord Jesus?
Are you trusting Him for salvation?
Is He empowering you to live a life of respect and honor toward him, your spouse, and others?
Would you respond to Him as we pray?
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